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Welcome to the tenth issue of The Lens. In each issue we feature one of the spiritual principles of leadership. In this issue we Focus on Serving Others. In this issue we welcome the contribution from my wife, Laney Sokolow. After a rewarding career as an elementary school teacher, Laney now works with adult learners at The Trenton Area Soup Kitchen. Please note that to print The Lens, click on your File menu, then select Page Setup and choose Landscape. If you want to print a single article rather than the entire issue, you must copy and paste the article into a word document. - Stephen L. Sokolow, Executive Director
You’ve Been Served
Helping Others It Doesn’t Have To Be This Way Serving Others by Listening Service to Others – A Life-Long Focus NorthLight School: A Model for Serving Others
Service and Civility Compelled to Write: A Story About Serving Others Profiles in Service: Eunice Kennedy Shriver and Edward M. Kennedy
Serving Others Through a Career in Education What if God Were One of Us? Letters to the Editor
You’ve Been Served
Many of us have probably heard the words “you’ve been served.” If you haven’t, I can assure you it is not a good thing. It means that someone is suing you. I raise that because as with all the spiritual principles, though they lead us toward the light, we have to understand that there is a dark side as well. Trust is great. Too much trust can, unfortunately, lead to great disappointment and a loss of trust. Honesty is the best policy, but too much honesty can be cruel. So it is with serving others. I have a friend who feels very guilty if she is not constantly serving others. The issue of service owns her and actually prevents her from being happy. She also throws herself into service because if she doesn’t she feels guilty. The only way she can avoid guilt is to constantly do others’ bidding. Certainly, doing others’ bidding while never feeling that you are making your own decisions is not a wise way to live. But serving others in fulfilling their requests isn’t really service. As in the song by the Rolling Stones, we may not always get what we want, but we always get what we need. Service is taking care of the needs of others, not merely their wants. A few weeks ago I woke up from a dream chuckling. I had dreamed that I was in a restaurant which had a large sign over the counter that said, “You eat what we serve.” I was laughing because first of all, it was a strange dream, but also because there are several different ways to interpret that sign. It could be a benign statement that merely said the obvious—we are aware that what we give you is what offers you sustenance. Or it could be more like the “soup Nazi” from the old Seinfeld show who served what he wanted regardless of what the customer wanted. (This was akin to the John Belushi skits on Saturday Night Live where he was a cook and all he served was “cheeborger, cheeborger, Pepsi—no Coke.”) Now, I know that if Freud had tried to interpret my dreams he would have found another line of work. But I think my dream does say a lot about service. Too many of us mouth the concept of service when what we are really interested in is being served. Phil Schlechty, the education writer and thinker, once said that the change he had seen in school boards is that we have moved from people who run for election so that they can serve to those who run so they can be served. But spiritual principles (and this is true for most of the principles that Steve Sokolow and I have formulated) must act as a lens looking outward to the other person. Serving others means just that: serving others. If we engage in service to make ourselves feel good, or to avoid guilt (like my friend), then it isn’t truly service that builds toward a positive result. I found myself following the events of the recent death of Senator Kennedy very closely. Like most Americans, I have followed the Kennedy family from their ascendance on the national stage. I was also fortunate to see all three brothers, together, speaking to a very small group in Huntington, West Virginia during the 1960 Presidential primary, and later in life I met and spent some time with Senator Edward Kennedy. I found him to be gracious and very oriented on other people. I thought Vice President Biden captured it perfectly when he said, “With Ted, it was never about him; it was always about the other person.” Certainly Senator Kennedy’s life was replete with stories of his darker appetites that served himself—and those cost him greatly. But he was able to transform the tragedies of his life and the darker lessons into a body of service that made a positive difference in the lives of millions—all because it wasn’t about him; it was about the other person. I think those of us who act in official capacities, whether as teacher or administrator or whatever, tend to view the issue of service through that lens. However, service truly comes alive in the thousand little ways we act on a daily basis. It is being attuned to others’ needs and acting on them. It is forgetting what we want at the moment and offering up what someone else needs. A few years ago, when I was on a plane, a beautiful young girl boarded and sat across the aisle. In the middle of the flight she started talking to me, telling me about her life and challenges. She had great promise in high school but lost her way, got involved with drugs and alcohol abuse, and had become an exotic dancer. She was on her way to rehab to get straightened out. She wasn’t sure she could do it. I spent the rest of the flight reflecting back to her the obvious intelligence I saw in her, encouraging her for taking the next step to getting her life in order, and letting her know that I believed she could do it. At the end of the flight she hugged me and told me I had saved her life. I gave her my card and told her to let me know how she did. Several years later she sent me a note telling me how well her life was going and how she had turned it around. She thanked me for encouraging her, and she called me her angel. The truth was that she had been my angel, because she had reminded me that each time we help someone else we are gifted with a bit of grace. We are all each other’s angels. It is a new version of the Golden Rule—what we do for others, we do for ourselves. Most of us don’t have the opportunity to operate on the vast scale of an Edward Kennedy, but each of us can make a difference in someone else’s life. We can put away our selfishness, even if only for a while, and turn it to selflessness. On those few occasions when I allow myself to think about the big questions of life like “Why am I here?” I realize that it is really all about service. We live not to be served, but to serve others. Others do, indeed, eat what we serve. And the best way to “be served” is to serve others. View Paul Houston's Political Blog.
Helping Others
Children like to be helpful, and so do I, and so do you. As with so many things, helping seems to be part nature and part nurture. The nurture part comes from the environment in which we grow and learn. The nature part comes from within us, both in terms of our inclinations and our feelings. I see these tendencies in my grandchildren, who are 3 and 5 years old. They certainly have the inclination: with the slightest bit of encouragement they offer their little hands (and hearts) to help at family gatherings. Their sense of scale may be a bit off in terms of the size of the objects they think they can handle; often, in fact, their help creates more work than it saves. But that’s not the point. The point is that they want to help, and their parents and other family members are in a position to nurture those inclinations. Perhaps that’s what happened with me. My recollections of my early years are vague. All I know for sure is that my internal desire to be helpful was kindled and nurtured in a way that became a driving force in my life. Clearly it was a force in Paul Houston’s life as well. For when we set out to identify the underlying spiritual principles of leadership, Serving Others was right up there. Appreciating the power of serving others is something that we share with President Obama. While awarding the Medal of Freedom to 16 agents of change, he said, “The truest test of a person’s life is what we do for one another.” That’s worth thinking about. Suppose the measure of our life truly is what we do for others. The opportunities for service are limitless, from small everyday personal acts of kindness to large-scale humanitarian projects, and everything in between. Most people derive pleasure, or at least some sense of satisfaction, from helping and serving others. We begin with the members of our own family and then expand outward to include friends, neighbors, and strangers. Service is often rendered one person to another but can then be expanded outward to groups, communities, organizations, specific populations, and even to humankind. Everyone can serve others, of course, but leaders have an extraordinary opportunity to leverage their positions in the service of others and to help the people in their organizations become more service-oriented. Leadership must always be appropriate to the context and issues at hand, but, generally speaking, as leaders increase their focus on service and support, their workforce is likely to become more empowered and effective. Moreover, a culture oriented to serving others can grow exponentially. If those at the top in any organization model and espouse the value of serving others, this principle will began to grow and spread throughout the organization organically and become a self-fulfilling prophesy. The key is focusing not on yourself but on others. Leaders whose primary focus is on their own needs tend to be ego-based in their orientation, while leaders who can transcend their own egos tend to focus on the needs of others. The former is disempowering; the latter is empowering to the members of the workforce. I have spent my life largely in the service of children. I was a camp counselor who eventually served as a camp director, and a teacher who eventually served as a superintendent of schools. Regardless of my position, however, my focus was always on what would serve the best interests of children. That was my guiding principle. I always found that principle empowering because it gave my life meaning. It is human nature to seek meaning in who we are and what we do. Helping others, and being of service to others, is one of the surest ways of finding meaning in the unfolding story of our lives. I once helped a child who was born without limbs learn to swim. With a life jacket and a dolphin-like movement, he could propel himself across a swimming pool like the other children. Teaching him how to swim helped me find meaning and a deep sense of satisfaction in my role as a camp counselor all those years ago. The things that give meaning to our lives can be big or small, single events or ongoing endeavors. What they all have in common is a focus on others. Often we benefit from helping others, serving others, and being kind to others—but that’s a by-product, not the actual goal. The goal is to enhance, uplift, and in some way improve the lives of others. As I write these words, two events are fresh in my mind. Yesterday I attended the funeral of a dear friend’s father. My friend’s father was 94 when he passed. I listened to the stories told by his three grandchildren, his daughter, son-in-law, and son. The stories they told captured the essence of this fine human being as a father, father-in-law, grandfather, husband, and doctor, relating everything from a kind word to his grandson after the grandson had an off day as pitcher of his Little League team, to a successful but unappreciated plea to a fellow doctor not to amputate a mutual patient’s leg and instead follow a more labor-intensive but less invasive course of action. The stories were inspiring, for time and again they were about helping others, serving others, reaching out to others, and being there for others. The other event occurred a day and a half ago. Senator Ted Kennedy passed away after a 15-month battle with brain cancer. The newspapers and airwaves (and the Internet too) have been running stories about this extraordinary man non-stop. The front page of the paper had this quote in boldface from a civil rights advocate: “Senator Kennedy was the most compassionate, sincere, concerned person I ever encountered. He was deeply concerned about those less fortunate.” In an editorial titled “The Lion Sleeps,” this statement appeared, “Through all of his legislative efforts, he tirelessly and unceasingly helped make it possible for individuals to realize their full potential.” What could be more helpful to others than that? What could serve others more than that? Senator Kennedy is being remembered for many noteworthy attributes and accomplishments, but above all for the way he used his power and privilege to help others. He and my friend Barry’s father exemplify the Principle of Serving Others. These men lived their compassion. These men put their compassion into action by helping and serving others. These men modeled one of the hallmarks of enlightened leaders—they transcended their own egos to light the way for others, and the world is far better for it.
It Doesn’t Have To Be This Way
I have dyslexia. For me that means my left and right spatial orientations are cross-wired—my left turns out to be everybody else’s right. So taking directions has always been a real stretch for me. Unless I actively reorient myself by deciding which of my two hands is the left one, I will naturally turn the opposite way of where I think I am going. All things considered, I’m progressing well enough in my yoga classes and dance classes, but for as much time as I put in practicing letter drills on my keyboard, I’m convinced it would be easier to teach an octopus how to type. This is why my computer keyboard has become for me a life metaphor—the riddle of the Sphinx and my Zen koan all rolled into one pervasive metaphysical question. Why are things the way they are? For as everyone who types knows, the arrangements of letters on the keyboard are placed where you would be least likely to expect them. I reached out to the all-knowing Google to try to understand why we use a keyboard that it is next to impossible to navigate for someone with spatial dyslexia. It turns out the awkward QWERTY keyboard (so named for the sequence of letters in the top right) was intentionally designed that way in the mid-19th century to slow people down, back when typists were using a mechanical typewriter that would jam if they typed too fast. Okay, that was then, but what about now—with computers that can respond in microseconds? Why don’t we upgrade the keyboards to match the current state of our technology? There actually was an ergonomic improvement called Dvorak (named for its inventor, Dr. August Dvorak) in the 1930s, around the same time there were major advancements in electric typewriters. The Dvorak method arranges the letters on the keyboard in a way that is both easier to learn and faster to use. The option to use this more efficient keyboard configuration is even embedded in both the Microsoft and Apple operating software. Why then has it remained relatively obscure? The answer is a bit disconcerting: we simply get used to doing things in a certain way and are resistant to change, even if changing what we do or the way in which we do it would most certainly enrich our lives. It makes one wonder how many other commonplace things in our lives are there, not because they are the best option, but simply because they were there first. If we look at the historical development of printing, we can appreciate that the progression from the mechanical typewriter to the personal computer was as significant to personal expression as the Gutenberg press was to making information available to the general public. Yet doesn’t it seem odd that we are still using mid-19th-century methods to interface with our current 21st-century technology? In a similar vein, this historical perspective presents us with a relevant analogy for looking at ourselves. How many adults are using methods they acquired as infants and as young children that still work for them up to a point and, though they are rather primitive ways of functioning, remain their primary way of behaving long past the time when they should have moved on to more sophisticated ways of doing things? For example, self-absorption, lack of impulse control, and tantrums are behaviors expected of the very young. It’s a primitive, natural way of problem-solving. Self-absorption is all we know at the time, and it takes time to begin to fathom that our world encompasses more than ourselves. We are impulsive because we haven’t yet learned that it is often necessary to restrain ourselves in order to relate to the other people who also inhabit our world. Even tantrums, unpleasant as they may be, are inevitable and to be expected, for they are simply the beginning of a process by which we learn how to express ourselves and get what we want. But when we see these childlike behaviors increase in power, range, and complexity in an adult, it is a clear sign that although someone may have grown physically and intellectually, they still need to focus their attention on growing up emotionally. The same holds true for people who are not quite up to speed physically and intellectually. We strengthen behaviors the more we do them. It comes as no surprise, then, that if we continually engage in a primitive way of functioning, we will keep getting better at functioning in just this way. In a very real sense, we keep digging ourselves deeper into the proverbial rut. What if, instead, we practiced doing something that was actually good for us? For instance: challenge ourselves physically by committing to a nice long walk every day; or emotionally, by how many smiles we can put on other people’s faces; or intellectually, by taking a class in something that we’ve always been interested in learning. If you stretch for something beyond your reach, you will be amazed by, —say, a year or two from now—how much progress you have made. An average person can type at an average rate of 33 words a minute. I’ve compensated for my spatial dyslexia by using 21st-century voice-recognition software. When I really get going, printed words show up on my computer screen at three times the average rate. I’m up to speed with the professional typist, and my fingers hardly ever touch the keyboard except for a poke or two now and then. So instead of trying harder and harder to master a system that didn’t work for me, I found a way, using technology, to work around my weakness. In so doing, I truly have made my computer keyboard a life metaphor, namely: If you are blocked from attaining something you really want, know that it doesn’t have to be this way. For you always have within you the power to find another way.
Serving Others by Listening
Reforming institutions like schools is frustrating work. In my career, I have been through at least four “strategic planning” marathons. They are generally well-meant exercises that rarely reap lasting benefits and almost never result in substantive change. What is it that evades our best attempts to reshape our thinking when it comes to schools? One of the many insights in Otto Scharmer’s new book, called Theory U, focuses on the process of listening. In this, I find a useful metaphor for deepening the kinds of conversations often missed by conventional attempts at transforming thinking and practice. Scharmer cites four levels of listening that are available to us: Listening 1 (Downloading), Listening 2 (Factual), Listening 3 (Empathic), and Listening 4 (Generative). When we operate from Listening 1 (Downloading), the conversation reconfirms what we already know. It is a reconfirmation of our habits of mind. Scharmer refers to this as the “Yeah, I already knew that” or “There he goes again!” syndrome. Nothing new is apt to occur from this level of dialogue. This is further defined as our “blind spot.” Because our past comes to us unimpeded by changes in our field of perception, we tend not to see that we are simply recycling what we always believed was so. Transformation is thus impossible. When we operate from Listening 2 (Factual), we disconfirm what we already know and notice that there is something new here. We switch off the inner voice of judgment and listen to the voices right in front of us. We focus on what is different from what we know. This is the basic mode of science: Ask questions and pay close attention to the responses. Operating from Listening 3 (Empathic) calls forth a deeper level of listening. When we are engaged in a dialogue, we become aware of a profound shift in the place from which our listening originates: “Oh yes, I know exactly how you feel.” We move from the world of objective things, figures, and facts, to listening to the story of a living, evolving self. We really feel how another feels; this requires an open heart. We experience a direct connection with another from within. Listening 4 (Generative) is a sense of connection with something larger than oneself. This level of listening can generate creative ideas; it requires that we be open to a new set of possibilities in a given situation. It is from this place that our future materializes. Each of these types of listening has its place. What seems absent from many traditional approaches to change, however, is the engagement of the deeper levels of listening. Just as Scharmer did in many major corporations and agencies, we can construct interviews, mechanisms, and dialogues with all the contributors in our organization as a means of truly “hearing” their goals and aspirations. Over time, developing a culture of deep listening will make clearer the obstacles to growth and fulfillment that exist in the lives of students, teachers, parents, and administrators. Scharmer suggests that we “observe, observe, observe, reflect, and take immediate action.” Think of the ways we can use this three-step process, with its obvious emphasis on observation, to ensure that we actually discover what is happening within our schools. Technology can assist us in setting up processes that facilitate on-going communication within an organization. A free on-line program called Forum is one such program. Once Forum becomes available to all levels of shareholders, observations, comments, complaints, ideas, and challenges can be entered, creating an on-going internal conversation. The district can create any security or priority barriers it decides are important, but the program can become a tool that provides a voice to all constituents within an organization. The use of a tool like the Forum is just one example of the “observe” part of Scharmer’s dictum. Responsible participants, reflecting on the on-line observations, may see opportunities to create new projects that can respond quickly to a demonstrated need. These prototypes can then be assessed and institutionalized if they prove effective. This approach enables the system to act in real time when needs arise. Quick actions demonstrate to staff that their concerns and points of view are being heard. Conversations generated within institutions are magnified versions of conversations we have with ourselves, with friends and loved ones. They offer opportunities to listen deeply to an ever-evolving reality. Think of the level of listening and thinking common in most schools. Where is most of the energy spent to get to our intended outcomes? My experience is that the conversations on all levels of schooling are primitive and non-life-generating. We focus on exterior forces and fail to see the potential of individual and group empowerment. Scharmer’s work, along with that of other pioneers in traditional, modern, and post-modern transformational theories, reminds us that institutional and individual change requires the same processes of self-enlightenment. Here is the source of truly serving others. Here is where our work needs to begin.
Service to Others – A Life-Long Focus
I’ve been involved in service to others for most of my life. As a teenager, I served the mothers in my neighborhood as a babysitter and mother’s helper. After graduating from Penn State, I served children and their parents in three different school districts as an elementary teacher for almost thirty years. The demands of teaching and raising a family left very little free time to pursue personal interests. So when I retired in June 2005 I felt liberated to indulge every whim and fancy that came my way: reading books (other than children’s literature); exercising at any time of day instead of 5:30 in the morning; carrying a tote bag that no longer contained one single paper to be read or graded; taking walks or bike rides on Sunday afternoons with my husband, with never a thought of lesson plans due for the coming week; blissful car rides not grading papers; and spending afternoons playing with my granddaughter. A year and a half slipped by in the blink of an eye before I felt a need to do something more meaningful with my time. After discussions with friends and a life coach, I realized that I still wanted to be of service to others. Through my synagogue I volunteered to serve meals at the Trenton Area Soup Kitchen (TASK). In March 2006 I drove into Trenton to start what would become a whole new focus in my life. I spent three hours preparing and serving lunch to the clients of TASK. By the time lunch service was over my arthritic shoulders were screaming at me to find another way to be of service. I soon learned that TASK had a program to help adult learners improve their skills to pass the GED (high school equivalency) exam. After briefly observing the tutoring program, I jumped in when a female client asked me to help her with her lesson. I was hooked! I’d found a way to use my teaching skills and knowledge with a truly needy community of adult learners. After tutoring for several months, I joined the TASK Adult Education Program Advisory Council. The part of me that likes to help other people became rekindled, and I volunteered to create and teach a weekly Writer’s Workshop. I also organized and ran a sample writing lesson for the other tutors, most of whom had no formal training in teaching. My students range in age from their mid twenties to mid fifties. Some are ESL (English as a Second Language) foreign-born students who are learning to read and write English, but most are inner-city dropouts from public school districts who became involved with drugs, alcohol, or the law and then fell through the cracks, never developing the skills or discipline needed to succeed in today’s workplace. I serve this community of learners as a friend and teacher who encourages their dreams, and as a guide who also helps them with their problems that come to light through the writing and sharing that we all participate in. In the fall of last year, I canvassed the soup kitchen population and registered four first-time voters. The following week I conducted a lesson on the Constitutional aspects of the Presidential election. On Election Day I accompanied my four fledglings to their polling places and watched them cast their ballots for Barack Obama. After the election, a lesson on letter writing inspired my students to write to President Obama expressing their feelings about the historic election and their personal concerns about topics touching their lives. My students have grown in many ways through the process of writing and sharing their fears, frustrations, and hopes. They use their new writing skills for personal journaling to help them through difficult problems and decisions. They have come to appreciate the lives and trials of their fellow students and also come to know me through my writing and sharing. Another tutor and I collaborate to provide pre-GED test strategy and review sessions every time a group or individual is ready to take the test. We celebrate each time a student passes his/her GED or gets accepted at the local community college for a program to become a teacher’s aide, nurse’s aide, or skilled technician. My students also return to the soup kitchen to serve their community as tutors. I don’t receive monetary compensation for this work, but its value is immeasurable in the joy and satisfaction I feel by being able to make a difference in the lives of people who are working to overcome such heart-wrenching challenges.
NorthLight School: A Model for Serving Others
This article grew out of my spring 2009 visit to Singapore, where I presented a keynote addtress to the Servant Leadership Conference. While in Singapore, I was privileged to visit schools and was particularly inspired by the NorthLight School, where I observed no noticeable gap whatsoever between espoused values and those in action. (For more information about this exemplary school, see www.nls.edu.sg.) NorthLight School may be unsurpassed in the dimension of serving others. Academically challenged students—who previously may have been dropouts—are gaining heightened confidence and self-esteem, as well as acquiring skills and knowledge that enable them to find meaningful employment. The founding head of NorthLight School is a servant leader, with her love of her students and the school clearly manifested through her strategic mind and can-do spirit. The principal has harnessed an impressive breadth of relevant models of child development, pedagogy, leadership, and curriculum development. Grounded in unshakable values, NorthLight’s principal has been able to attract extraordinary people to staff the school, including highly qualified, award-winning staff members who are, in her words, “able to recognize students’ intrinsic self-worth, and make instant connections with them” (NorthLight website). As the school’s statement of purpose puts it, “The school adopts an experiential approach in teaching and learning. Emphasis is given to nurturing the students’ socio-emotional development by recognizing their achievements, encouraging peer support, and creating conditions to promote self-esteem.” NorthLight’s use of acronyms plays a strong role in reminding students of their inherent value and the values of the school. For example, they are always reminded that they are Special with Talents, Aspiration, and Resilience—that is, a STAR. Similarly, the school’s values are captured in SHINE: Sincerity, our way; Honesty, our foundation; Innovation, our leverage; Network, our support; Excellence, our pursuit. In 2006 the Singapore Ministry of Education established NorthLight School for those students struggling with mainstream curriculum. Students who have failed the Primary School Examinations at least twice and those who have left school before completing secondary education are eligible for admission. The curriculum is distinguished by being engaging, values-focused, and career-oriented. It pays particular attention to hands-on learning to teach life skills and emotional resilience and includes 10-week internships in industry to bridge the school and workplace. The principal, Chen Yen Ching, has co-created a model where she is serving others through living her aspiration, creating a place “where school comes alive.” NorthLight’s goal is that “graduates of the school will be dynamic and enterprising, enjoy lifelong learning, and make positive contributions to the community.”
Service and Civility
A colleague of mine has consulted in other countries around issues of community organizing and education; he has observed that volunteerism and service, the means by which so much can be (and is) accomplished, comes naturally to many Americans. He also has found that when this self-organizing, contributory activity is missing in other cultures, it makes it difficult to get things done. In our culture, service to others can be unpaid or paid—from the volunteer youth soccer coach to those who hold elected or appointed public office. I find myself concerned that the current environment of “attack politics” and incivility are eroding our willingness to serve others, whether we serve “gratis” or are compensated. For example, I have seen volunteer coaches reluctantly relinquish their positions because of the ongoing personal attacks launched by parents. To slightly paraphrase Howard Beale, the crazy news anchorman in the film Network, they were “mad as hell and weren’t going to take it anymore.” And when Rep. Joe Wilson shouted “You lie!” to President Obama, it appeared we had sunk to a new low. Will our penchant for service be extinguished by such behavior? Recent issues of Time and Utne Reader magazines feature articles on our current style of political interactions. With popular political pundits like Bill O’Reilly and Keith Olbermann urging us to see nefarious motives in those with different views and to demonize one another, it appears that we may be doomed to continue the current style of American communication that favors anger and attacks over reason and discourse. Or are we? In reading these articles, I discovered that there might be hope on the horizon in a new school of thought being promoted by the likes of Michael Ostrolenk, co-founder and national director of the Liberty Coalition, and president of the Transpartisanship Center. Ostrolenk believes that “transpartisanship” is more realistic and practical than nonpartisanship, and it focuses on issues instead of attacks. My reading also led me to Jonathan Haidt, a professor in the area of social psychology at the University of Virginia, whose home page includes the following statement: “My research these days focuses on the moral foundations of politics, and on ways to transcend the ‘culture wars’ by using recent discoveries in moral psychology to foster more civil forms of ‘politics.’” He goes on to ask, “Can’t we all disagree more constructively?” and concludes, “By understanding more about our moral roots…we can learn to be civil.…” (Hear Dr. Haidt's talk about the moral roots of liberals and conservatives, about “how—and why—we evolved to be moral.”) In my own position as a school superintendent, I have experienced personal attacks and threats. There have been times when I have appealed to shared moral values among constituents to establish a foundation for building common understanding and even agreement. I often have referred to M. Scott Peck’s book, The Different Drum: Community Making and Peace, in which he described healthy communities as having several characteristics: • Everyone is included, even those who are different. • Self-examination is ongoing. • “Graceful fighting” is promoted. • Conflict resolution is sought instead of the avoidance or the generation of conflict. If you recall your history, you might remember the Battle of Saratoga, one of the decisive victories of the American Revolution. When it was over and British General Burgoyne gave his sword to General Gates, the officers of the two armies sat down together for dinner and plenty of rum and hard cider. The point is that the person who fails to be civil to rivals throws away golden opportunities. The opponent in one battle may be a valued ally in the next. I would love to see the politics of fear and conspiracy theories and partisanship replaced by a focus on issues and the notion that the best answers may actually reside in the convergence of values and views. I sincerely hope it catches on. Otherwise, I believe that fewer people will commit themselves to service to others—and that would be terrible for all of us.
Compelled to Write: A Story About Serving Others
Most of the staff had red faces from the August heat. It was a particularly humid afternoon. We didn’t hear anyone complaining even though the air-conditioners didn’t seem to help. A CNA who works at my mother’s nursing home wiped her forehead with the back of her arm as she pushed a resident past us in a wheelchair. “How are you all doing?” We assured her that we’re doing well and commented to each other how caring she is. I intended to write the publisher of The Lens today to say I would not be submitting an article because I didn’t have the time or energy right now. Then I remembered the suggested theme—Serving Others—and changed my mind. My mother was recommended for hospice care about a month ago by the head nurse at the Alzheimer’s facility where she has been living for the past five months. Since then, Mom’s health has deteriorated dramatically, and it seems that her transition will be soon. My family and I are spending many hours every day sitting with Mom and holding her hand. She squeezes our hands intermittently; most of the time her eyes are closed. We have come to know well the women and men who live and work in this special place. Recently I heard the wonderful phrase “a hurricane of grace” on a CD, and I thought of Mom’s nursing home and the new friends we have made. We are overwhelmed with appreciation for every single person who works at the Alzheimer’s facility where we spend so much time these days. We have become interested observers of all that goes on there since Mom sleeps so much of the time. We can’t help but take it all in. A young man on the staff—I’d say he’s about 20 years old—sits next to a woman who can’t feed herself and patiently guides spoonfuls of ground-up potatoes and ham into her mouth. When I spoke to him about his gentle manner with the elderly patients, he said, “I do for them what I’d want done for my own parents.” Later, a cheery aide (though on this hot day she said she was “muggly”) with stunning auburn hair is singing old songs as she applies bright pink nail polish to the women residents who have gathered around her. Most of those waiting for their manicure have walkers by their sides. Everywhere you look you can’t help but notice the unique and distinctive behaviors of the individuals who live without clear memory of their lives. It’s amazing to me that they do remember the words to the songs and sing along (including many who can no longer speak). When we initiate our own sing-along sessions, because it gives all of us so much joy, one by one they find their way to join us. It strikes me how odd they all used to seem to us before we became familiar with them. Well, sometimes still… The recreation director approaches those whom she thinks might like to go to spiritual group and asks them respectfully if they want to participate. They are often confused and sometimes agitated, yet because of her loving tone they go along with her. Most of them hold onto the arm of a caregiver or their personalized walker, or scoot along using their feet to power their wheelchairs down the hallway. Powerful and uplifting untold stories happen every minute there. These stories are the good news of life. They don’t get prime-time airing. Being a witness to selfless acts of pure love and commitment to the well-being of others is a privilege that inspires me to live a life of service too. When I observe goodness, I want more of it in my life. Let me share one more story with you. (I feel so much love while I write this that I am teary.) One of Mom’s daily caregivers is a middle-aged woman who has nurtured and cared for patients at this nursing home for 11 years. She has honored my mother and my family by paying attention to what matters to us. Apparently she overheard my sisters talking about how we used to do Mom’s hair every day before she moved into the nursing home. It was a top priority! This nurse’s aide is not a hairdresser, nor is it part of her job description to serve as one. Yet more times than we can count she has given up her break to spend extra time washing Mom’s hair and using the curling iron to make Mom feel as attractive as she can as she begins her day. Last Saturday, Mom wasn’t doing well. She wasn’t able to eat, and she drank very little. We were all quite emotional and comforted each other until Mom fell asleep for the night. When we arrived at the nursing home late Sunday morning, there was Mom sitting in the chair that is used by those who are most ill. Her eyes were closed and she seemed comfortable. It was obvious that she had been pampered! Her hair was clean and styled; she looked beautiful. I did the best I could this morning,” the dear aide said enthusiastically as she approached us. “I did your mom’s hair, put cream on her arms and legs, and put on her prettiest clothes. It’s the only thing I could think to do to help her and all of you feel better. I know you’ve had a few difficult days.” Then she blurted, “I’m pretty proud of myself—see how gorgeous she looks!” It’s humbling to be in the presence of those who are great spirits. These caregivers are not perfect. I imagine some of them don’t get along with each other, and I’m sure they do sometimes complain. There is room for improvement in this environment, just as there is everywhere. But what is absolutely true is that these devoted people serve others in a way that is most admirable—from their hearts—with the best of intentions and with profound love. They don’t pity those they serve; they give because they believe that those with Alzheimer’s are worthy. Alzheimer’s patients have all served others during their lifetime. I notice that despite their challenges, they continue to give. Many of Mom’s resident friends have come by to express their love and sadness in their own unique and touching ways—often without words, sometimes with rambling, incoherent conversations, but always with tenderness. It’s easier for them to be loving and kind when they are treated that way themselves.
Profiles in Service: Eunice Kennedy Shriver and Edward M. Kennedy
As I write this, the summer of 2009 has drawn to a poignant close. For this Irish-Catholic baby-boomer from New England who still proudly displays her 1960 JFK campaign button, the August deaths of Eunice Kennedy Shriver and Edward M. Kennedy mark the end of a half-century of the often magical, sometimes melancholy, and always mesmerizing Kennedy mystique. As my meandering summer schedule wound down, I found myself at my vacation home in Rhode Island on August 11 when Mrs. Shriver died, visiting on Cape Cod on August 25 when Senator Kennedy passed away at his home in Hyannis Port, and sitting in the Reagan National Airport in Washington, D.C. on August 29 as a motorcade brought the senator past the U.S. Capitol on the way to his final resting place in Arlington National Cemetery. I felt a special kinship with the mourners. For those two weeks, I was also engrossed in the memorial services and media coverage that marked these deaths. I learned a great deal about the endless political and social contributions of these two tireless public servants and gained new insights into the true meaning of servant leadership. Eunice Kennedy Shriver was a force to be reckoned with. She took her personal family experiences as the loving sister of a mentally challenged sibling and transformed them into a lifetime crusade for those with physical and cognitive disabilities. She was instrumental in the formation of the Panel on Mental Retardation in 1961, the development of the National Institute of Child Health and Human Development, and the establishment of mental retardation research centers at major hospitals across the country. Her name is synonymous with the International Special Olympics movement. She guided this organization from its modest beginnings with 150 athletes in Chicago in 1968 to its current grandeur with over 80,000 spectators cheering for 7,000 athletes in venues around the world. Ted Kennedy, the so-called “lion of the Senate,” was repeatedly described as one of the most influential legislators in our nation’s history. While recently his name is most commonly linked to the contentious issue of health care reform, he has left his indelible mark on all sectors of domestic legislation for nearly fifty years. From voting rights, to draft abolition, to campaign finance reform, to fair housing legislation, Senator Kennedy was a forceful leader. From community health care centers to cancer research, to Meals on Wheels, to the Americans with Disabilities Act, Mr. Kennedy was a vocal, highly effective champion for the rights of those in need. This past spring, Congress passed the Edward M. Kennedy Serve America Act, which is designed to help nonprofit organizations make better use of the thousands of volunteers who are eager to lend a helping hand. His legislative impact was truly leonine. These remarkable accomplishments have altered the face of the American social fabric and assured both Kennedys a permanent place in the history of our nation. For me, however, it is the stories that may soon be forgotten that teach equally important lessons. Eunice Kennedy Shriver actually started the Special Olympics movement as a summer camp in her own backyard in Maryland. She took an active leadership role in the camp and used her feisty spirit to strong-arm her own children and their cousins to serve as counselors. When it was time for the first International Special Olympics in Chicago, she is rumored to have sent someone to a local store with $10 to buy her a bathing suit so that she could jump into the pool with the kids. For as long as she was able, she laughed and cried and danced and sang with the special children and adults who benefited from her generous spirit. Between endless committee meetings, crucial Senate votes, and national and international speaking engagements, Ted Kennedy provided weekly tutoring services to a young woman in Washington to help her achieve success in school. He found time to celebrate birthdays and other milestones with his children, stepchildren, nieces, nephews, and all of their children as well. After 9/11, he reached out personally to each of the 170 families from Massachusetts who lost loved ones on that tragic day. He gently shared their grief as a fellow victim of violent family tragedy. And he maintained many of these contacts through the ensuing years. In 1955 John Fitzgerald Kennedy, with a great deal of editorial assistance from Ted Sorenson, published Profiles in Courage, a political treatise that recalls the courageous actions of eight senators who demonstrated remarkable grace and valor in the face of daunting political obstacles and painful character assassination. One can only wonder whether President Kennedy would now add his youngest brother to this list. While Senator Kennedy’s early lapses in judgment—and the resulting personal tragedies—might lead some to challenge this addition, I’d like to suggest an alternative plan. I propose a sequel to President Kennedy’s Pulitzer Prize-winning work. For the sake of continuity, I recommend the title Profiles in Service. I suggest criteria for inclusion that center on decisive actions that improve the status and circumstances of those who are most in need. I’d look for public servants who demonstrated consistent concern and effort over a lifetime. I’d reserve the highest praise for those who lead by personal example, eagerly rolling up their sleeves and engaging directly with those whom they wished to serve. I would assign the first two chapters to Eunice Kennedy Shriver and Edward M. Kennedy.
Serving Others Through a Career in Education
Service to others is a way of life for those in the field of education. If serving others is not a central motivation for entering this most important profession, one’s chances of success as an educator are most uncertain. Whether serving as a classroom teacher or an administrator, the life of an educator is necessarily centered on service. This service can take many forms. For the teacher, it is taking students from one level to another in their educational, emotional, and social development. To accomplish such a feat, a teacher has to give of him- or herself unstintingly. A teacher must not only have superior subject-matter knowledge, but also the pedagogical skills, patience, temperament, and love of children that borders on selflessness. Teaching today requires so very much from those who are new to the field. In a society that has undergone so many wrenching changes during the past generation, teachers are no longer merely purveyors of information. In working with teachers both as a principal and in my current role as an instructor/supervisor in the New Pathways to Teaching in New Jersey program, I have seen and continue to see competent teachers working conscientiously to prepare interesting, challenging lessons to inspire and motivate their students. Even teachers who have been teaching for decades still seek new methodologies and incorporate the ever-advancing technologies available to them to best serve their students. Teachers are often the ones to whom students turn for advice they feel they can’t get at home. I have seen teachers provide material goods for their students who are in need; I have seen them offer young people direction and stability. Teachers are, in many cases, the positive role models that students can’t find anyplace else, and it is obvious that they serve others in ways not learned in any teacher preparation courses. When I speak to prospective students at orientation sessions, I speak of teaching as a calling not to be entered into lightly, as a career that requires a special commitment—at least in part because of how much one must be willing to give. I have seen service to others take so many forms in my own life as a student and as an educator. I remember my high school history teacher, who was so enthusiastic about his subject matter and so generous with his time and talents, and who took such a special interest in me that he was a major factor in my decision to enter the field of education. (He also inspired me to pursue the study of history, enkindling in me such a love for the subject that I went on to become a history teacher for the first half of my career.) I also emulated his enthusiastic teaching methods. I also think of a teacher who served as advisor to the Student Council; he served others not only through his teaching but through his work with that group. He helped develop my leadership potential and encouraged me throughout my high school years to pursue positions of leadership and make the most out of whatever talents I possessed. Through his service to others, he played an important role in my life and in the lives of many other students. When I think of my career in educational leadership, I think immediately of two educators who have devoted their lives to serving others and have affected my life enormously. Both served as mentors to me and helped me to achieve my career goals and whatever success I have enjoyed. Had it not been for their willingness to work with me as they did and give unselfishly of their time for my advancement, my professional life would have turned out much differently. I have also witnessed what each of these fine educators has done on countless occasions to improve the school district in which they worked. They are two shining examples of the differences that service to others can make in the field of education. When it comes to providing service to others, I have been blessed to have had so many positive examples to follow. I can only hope that I have followed the example of those who have made such a difference in my life and used my career to serve others in positive ways.
What if God Were One of Us?
This won’t take long. The suggested theme for this issue of the Lens was serving others. To me, serving others entails first seeing others. Joan Osbourne sang these terribly poignant words: What if God was one of us, And see, God is exactly that. To see others clearly is to see God manifested in all imaginable guises on this Earth—each of us, all of us, just trying to make our way home. Seeing others truly and serving them—in large ways or small ways, in any way—is serving God. Serving others is serving God in us. Perfect. *** Let’s have a conversation. Maybe, just maybe, we’ll really see one another—and learn wondrous new things about ourselves, and pass those precious learnings along to others. Send your stories—300-600 words, please—to literacy@mindspring.com.
Letters to the Editor Thank you for sharing The Lens with me. Your Guest Contributor, Dr. Chrisa Metzger is an extraordinary lady! In addition, I am glad that Dr. Nightingale's The Strangest Secret has been mentioned in your July 2009 issue. Another great issue (The Lens - July 2009) The newest issue of The Lens is brilliant, thoughtful, and beautifully inspiring as always.
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